Eric & I attended a Parent Workshop last week at our little guy's PEP class at school.
I'm going to try to explain PEP in the most non-complicated way (haha if there's even a way to do that - so try to stay with me). For those unfamiliar with PEP - in our county, PEP (Pre Education Program) is an early childhood development program offered in some local elementary schools that are geared toward children with an identified learning delay, disability (and/or disabilities). The idea behind PEP is that early intervention proves to be effective in addressing learning deficits and offsets the impact of educational disabilities in young children. Skills/deficits obviously vary depending on the student - they could surround communication, exploration, movement, behavior, play and/or socialization. The goal behind PEP's specialized intervention is to help students gain the skills necessary for kindergarten, that other children their age may have already begun to develop and master.
Our little guy was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) a little over a year and a half ago at the age of two, and it's definitely been a whirlwind of jumping right in and trying to become an expert in the ever-confusing and complex subject matter, so that we can be the best advocates possible for our little man. I think just like any other parent, I want to ensure that he has every resource possible that will help him continue to learn and grow so that he can continue to be the successful, smart and bright little man that he is. I'll share more about our journey thus far with ASD and how we got there, at a later time! Since opening up about our journey, it's been amazing how many connections we've made with current friends that were going through the same experience (that we just didn't know about), and the connections we've made and developed with new friends that we'd for sure be lost without.
So -- bringing it back to the Parent Workshop! This was the first Parent Workshop of the school year, and in the past these have been held in other schools as a way to help parents (that share similarities, like having a child in PEP) build a community of support, to offer the opportunity to connect, share information and to just overall provide guidance to one another. It's the first that our school is hosting something like this since we started PEP last year, so we were looking forward to learning more!
My intent for this blog post was to share the awesome poem that was read to us at the very beginning of the parent workshop. It's titled "Welcome to Holland" by Emily Kingsley:
WELCOME TO HOLLAND!
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo ‘David’. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.
IT’S ALL VERY EXCITING.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!” you say. “What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around … and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills … and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy … and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away … because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
- Emily Kingsley
When our coordinator started reading this poem, I first felt kind of agitated because I was jumping to the conclusion that the author was setting up her story by portraying raising a child with a delay or disability, in a sort of negative light (which I obviously don't agree/can't personally relate with). As she continued reading, it hit me hard in the feelings, and by the end of the poem, every parent present had tears in their eyes. To me - this poem really was highlighting the simple fact that having a child with a delay or a learning disability is just a simply different experience, and that it's really okay to admit/feel that this may not have exactly been what we were prepared for or expecting per se when two people start planning for a family.
And in saying that, I honestly don't believe I'd give up all that we've experienced or change it if I actually had the opportunity to do so. (Maybe we could just make it a little easier, and help make this world a little nicer of a place to be? -- Baby steps). Is it hard as hell sometimes? Absolutely. Do I wish life could be easier sometimes when the moments are trying and tough? Absolutely. Do I wish I had more answers and more support/guidance when we progress through our journey? Absolutely. But gosh has this journey made us love our little guy even more (which Eric & I never thought was possible), and has really pushed us to be better versions of ourselves and especially as parents. I wouldn't change our little man or all the hard work he's been doing for really anything. And in sharing this poem, it just further resonated with me that others share similar feelings that we have and experience, and that it's okay to have different feelings throughout our journeys - there is no competing, there is no race. As parents, I think we all have the same end goal - we're simply trying to raise the best humans possible who are loving, responsible, care for others and help make this world a better place to live in.
I'm sure other parents can make a connection with this poem like we did, and if not - that's okay too! Maybe it'll help you when you're trying to relate to a situation that is simply a little different than one you're familiar with.
Until next time! :)
